-slasheySLIT `dancer

sorry. i gotta cram

2005-09-23T16:29:00.000-07:00

heys.
sorry if i haven't been blogging.
gotta go on hiatus soon,
the exmas are freaking drawing near and i'm not even ready for my art exam.
cause tht rosie loh has not given me my print outs.
i need them for my prep work.
she has a deprived childhood i suppose.
she played with too much makeup til she forgot her colour combinations.

harhar.
oh yar.
thanks for your taggs!!
i really appreciate it.

i seriously need to brush up on my mathematics.
i'm so blur that i can't even understand the english language.
harhar.
that must sound stupid.
but that's me/

harhar.
haiii
i need to CRAM.
had history test today.
gonna flunk it.
for a blarrsy ten mark question.
i only wrote four lines of the fulscap paper.
nonsense is my answer.

DINGDONG!
what am i suppose to do?
gotta get back up on my feet i guess.

bury me and fade to black.

`break my bones, tear my limbs, dig out my eyes, slit my throat and slash my wrists but don't ever break my heart`

whrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!

2005-09-16T18:07:00.000-07:00

wello!!

YAY!! i finally changed my skin into a nicer one.
thanks to my cuz DIL.credit goes to you tooyeah.
and to BE!! thanks for helping me chosse mylayout with the comments and all.
thanks a million.

in dil's house now. coolness!! we're crazy when the three of us are together.
harhar. you have no idea. we're dancing to TECHNO. TECHNO.CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??
harhar. and we turned into porn stars dancing to DontCha. and then we turned emo singing the sad songs.

mixed emotions i guess. but i love them the most in the world. they make me smilethough i'm crying on the inside. they love me for who i am. and will always be there for me and i know that.

thanks you guys for being there for me when i really needed help to get back up on my feet. i'll be there for you too. when you breathe, i wanna be the air for you. forever yes? we'll be together soon. living together happily without anything bothering us especially BRATS. harhar.

so here's my new blogskin.
a nice one indeed.
i love it.
and the taggeh is fraking cool!!
oh and peeps. please send me your links via sms or tagso i can see them.

thankies.

bye.

_lost in eric dravern_

boo

2005-09-15T16:41:00.000-07:00

HELLO.

i'm back and i'm glad i am.

so now i changed my blogskin finally. i really like it. cool don'tcha think?

anyways.

life has been pretty normal for me.

i went back to GOD but i still have abit of the dark side with me.

i'm on the way there i guess.

hmph.

people nowadays are just too much.

they tell you what they think about you and just snap at you without even thinking about how you would feel.

and obviously it hurts and scars you so deep that you can barely live.

and yet they still want to be friends with you.

i mean don't get me wrong.

it's absolutely okay to be friends but things will never be the same again would it?

i was just stating my point there so yarr.

oh. i'm not really done with my blogskin.

but just bear with it yar..

at least msg me your links or something so i have the new ones.

wooohooo!!

exams are nearing.

gotta mug.

okay. just wanna say hi to my cuzs out there. i <3>

bye.

there's no truth about anything in this world.

it's how you perceive it.

woohoo

2005-07-07T10:47:00.000-07:00

it's actually history now and i'm at the library cause the ignorant teacher didn't come.so yeah imma update THE blog.

i haven't had the time to change my blog so please bear with this one for awhile longer cause i seriously have no time.. at all. cause of my dance trainings and all and plus my schoolwork, the workload is getting heavier by the day. so again i apologise if there are any misconceptions of any sort.

yesterday i was abit blur and most of the time i didn't know what i was doing. hahah. i even forgot my dance steps and the cue of when to go on and everything. i was abit pissed at myself. heh. i couldn't concentrate in class as well. kinda irritating but it was worth it. at least i think so.

to day after school i gotta get home. get well dressed and gotta meet mummeh cause i gotta take my picture for my new ez link card. hehh. this shit sucks. i still have alot of work to do and other shit as well.

i didn't think life would be so complicating and misleading.
okay i dont make any sense.

bye.

SaTaN wAs HeRe :)

fishe you

2005-07-06T12:24:00.000-07:00

haven't been updating in such a long time and i apologise for the inconvenience and any mishaps that happened while viewing the sadist Cassandra Jean Spykerman James Augustin.

well. what can i say about life.

the holidays were a breeze. everything went by quickly and i only went out once which is utter nonsense cause it was NOT a holiday for me at all. many feelings erupted inside of me. hahah. okay i'm being unreasonable.

anyway. school began and hell was dwelling on earth in my world. everyday was like atragedy to live in. went to school with blue eyes and i didn't get caught YET. but even if i do. you think i will listen?? heh. of course not. nowadays i sleep at arouond one something or two something in the morning. and i get up at five. so that's like only three or four hours of sleep which to me is enough for a shit up person like me. i don't deserve sleep or rest.

yesterday was a incontrollable and a dying day for me. i really dnt wish to explain cause it's kind of sadistic and it would be rather disturbing to your eyes and your imagination. heh. went for a gig on monday. the cereal killers played and everyone was good. hahah. it was fun. yepp. and i ate PLASTER PRATA for the first time. heh. i couldnt finissh it though cause i lost my appetite cause of someone's eating mannerisms. gross piece of cow dung.

i guess that's about it and i WILL change my layout soon when i have the proper amount of time. and of course MYCHEMICALROMANCE will be featured 0n the skin. heh.

gotta scoot now. need to fucking check my friggin email. bummer.

the damned will look after me forever.

heh..

SaTaN wAs HeRe. :)

punked up

2005-05-18T06:30:00.000-07:00

i can forget but HE will never be forgotten.

hello people.

sorry for not updating.

have been really busy with everything especially the exams

which are finally over!!

so many things have been happening.

but it's very difficult to explain.

my life has been a mixture of happiness and depression.

sometimes i feel so happy yet deprived and drained.

how could this happen to me?

i have been drifting away from GOD.

i have doubted and have been doubting his existence.

i have no specific idea what is haappening to me.

is satan dominating me?

or has he already taken over me?

does my soul now belong to him?

happy happy

went to sentosa on monday.

and it was fun!!!

hahah. got abit tanned.

abit only or else i'll look like some dark chocolate.

hehe.

so much for happiness.

DRIFTING AWAY FROM EVERYTHING

apart from GOD. i have been drifting away from so many other things

and people as well.

i seriously have no idea what's going on with me.

oh and guess what.

HE left me.

silently.

leaving me with all these wounds that he has caused.

he scarred me man.

the worst thing is he did it silently.<

no words can describe the way i am feeling now.

nothing can describe it.

nothing can and nothing ever will.

shoutouts.

to my two cuzs:

you two are the most important people in my life.

I LOVE YOU!!!!!

thanks for being there for me and understanding me.

we must go out on monday aighht??

<. it's all about you.>

*grins*

to everyone else:

take care of yourselves and do tag aighht.

you need to click on the "TAG" button to view the tagboard.

see you around and i WILL update more often.

`to the damned i go`

leave me deprived and drained

*you are my beautiful nightmare*

freak

2005-03-15T11:25:00.000-08:00

hmmm.

sorry i haven't been updating lately, kind of busy with school and stuff. oh gosh i miss someone so badly.

life has pretty much been the same. but i think it has become better in a way. in reality, i actually have no idea what's going on in my life.

i'm just really in my own world nowadays that i don't really

realise what's happening to me or the people around me. it

just really hurts that sometimes i think i'm really numb to feel

anything.

Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)

than what am i feeling

what am i doing wrong

Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)

Its just an illusion that I have in my heart

isn't this song super?

i'm soo in love with it.

there's another song.

over by lindsay lohan.

it keeps ringing in my head.

My tears are turning into time

I've wasted

Trying to find a reason for goodbye

I can't live without you

Can't breathe without you

I'm dreamin' bout you

Honestly, tell me that it's over

Cause if the world is spinning

and I'm still living

It won't be right if we're not in it together

Tell me that it's over

And I'll be the first to go

Don't want to be the last to know

yep. it's nice.

but why these songs.

why?

i seriously have no idea.

hahah.

before i end.

blurry by puddle of mudd

keeps ringing in my head too.

i think i need help.

Everyone is changing,

there’s no one left that’s real

So make up your own ending,

and let me know just how you feel

Cause I am lost with out you,

I cannot live at all

my whole world surrounds you,

I stumbled and I crawly

ou could be my someone

you could be my scene

You know that I will save you

from all of the unclean

I wonder what you’re doin

I wonder where you are

There’s oceans in between us

but that’s not very far

freak

2005-02-09T17:27:00.000-08:00

firstly, i just want to say that life is going quite smoothly for me because of my bestest cousins, (the power of three unite!!), my twin, my friends from church and my godbrothers.

thanks you guys for being there for me and understanding the stuff that i'm going through. i love yoo.

to 1*beep*2: best friends? i don't think that i have any best friends cause i think they treat me like shit. i don't know if there's something wrong with me or there's something wrong with them. if there's something wrong with me, they could at least come tell me. but, it's obvious that nothing's going to happen and the situation would only get worst and ya. and some of them are just so hypocritical that i just don't understand why they're my best friends anyway. best friends don't gossip about their best friends but somehow, they just do. and besides, even if i tell them what's going on, they will just take it that i'm being oversensitive, so what's the point? and my boyfriend? currently, i dont have a boyfriend unless you're talking about my close guy friends. they have their own problems and the only thing we can do is listen and advise. and that helps me and them.

well, the past few days have been going well. yesterday, went to watch a movie with 6 of my cousins. it was fantabulous!! it was fun. went to my bestest cousin's(belinda) house to saty over at around 11 plus. slept at around 1 something i think. yupp.

things are not going so well between me and the person who is really dear to me. both of us are so caught up with our own things, stuff at school. we don't even talk anymore. i just don't understand why. we don;t tell each other anything that is happening in our lives. oh well. if only she knew how much she means to me. if only she knew.

~don't do something because you have to do it because you want to~

ihateme

2005-02-05T21:28:00.000-08:00

what the hell is wrong with this life?!
i can't ficking take this anymore. there are two fraking irritating BRATS that i can't stand.
even my two bestest cousins can't stand them. the three of us want to cekik them until they die.
FUCK THEM ALL!!!

crazee freako

2005-02-04T21:03:00.000-08:00

heyhey.
sorry i haven't been blogging for ages. was really busy with school and all the other fucked up shit that's happening in my life. and that includes my family... AGAIN.

haven't slept for fucking three days. i was not concentrating in class. and SOMEONE is pissing me off by ignoring me and she doesn't wanna confront me and tel me that she's angry or irritated or whatever by me. oh well. i can't stand it man. she doesn't wanna talk me and even if i talked to her, she wouldn't answer me, she'll just give me that WHATEVER FACE.

my great grandmother passed away. she's my dad's grandma. i cried like fucking hell on sunday. 30.01.05 was the worst day of my life. form the beginning of the day to the end it was really fucked up. i couldn't sleep, eat or talk to anyone. i told the person dearest to me and she looked as if like she didn't care at all. it was really hurting to see the person you love most in your life don't care about the shit that you're going through. haii. i feel like i'm being pulled away from the world and being in the process of being brought to another galaxy. i don't really talk nowadays cause there's nothing to say to anyone except, my COUSINS *ILOVEYOUGUYS*, my TWINNIETWO, my GODBROTHERS. and that's it.

there's hardly anyone who understands me nowadays. i just want to get out of this life. time is really hard to find nowadays now that everyone is closer to someone else other than you. it just hurts doesn't it? i guess that i am destined to be like this. if not, why does it keep happening to my cousins and me? what's wrong with us?! did we do something wrong earlier when we were younger that we deserve to suffer like this?

to those of you reading this, you may think that i'm self - pitying myself, but seriously i'm not. i'm just trying to state how i feel cause i need to TYPE. about the shit.

guess i'm really a fucked up girl huh.

::itfl::

an angel face with a taste for suicidal

sheesh-

2005-01-19T17:25:00.000-08:00

boo.

at e- club now. came back from school at around 4 plus.

freaking shacked. supposed to stay back today but the meeting got cancelled and it was postponed to tomorrow.

but i can't stay back tomorrow. gotta reach home early.

dang it.

oh wells.

i kind of hate my class. it's so noisy and it's really irritating that i'm afraid i might blow up and everyone will hate me. and i heard that some people say that i'm "acting big"

and that person doesn't realise that noone likes her. look around la girl and then tell me if you can find real friendship la okay?

aiya whatever la. you wanna say something come up to me and say it. don't say it behind my back. cause you definitely want me to hear it right? so just come up to me and say what you wanna say alright?

heh. okay anyway, today was really tiring cause i had social studies right

after chemistry. i had to listen alot and that was really tiring cause there were alot of distractions.

and then that mrs shum ( social studies teacher) was so freaking irritating. always stopping in between

her explanations about the topic that she was talking about. and she doesn't want to print for us notes. half the time i don't even understand what the fuck she's trying to say. anyway,

english was absolutely fun. had to so called debate with 3/8 (my class) and 3/7.

it was superb. helped me improve my lawyer skills. hahaha.

i want to be a lawyer. so it's proven. hahaha.

hmmm. oh well. it's gonna be a looonnnnnnnngggggggggg day tomorrow

so i gotta scoot.

when there's no one else,

look inside yourself,

like your oldest friend,

just trust the voice within.

heh

2005-01-14T10:50:00.000-08:00

i'm in school now. i'm abit bored but it's okay cause today's the las day i'll be staying in the library for the whole day, and next week,it's back to school..

isn't that just perfect? sheesh.

I AM FREAKING SHACKED. i don;t know why but nowadays i get tired so easily and sometimes i just snap at people when they didn't do anything wrong.

to those people : i am terribly sorry. forgive me if i have offended you in any way.

okays, i still have my english assignment to finish and my malay assignment.

for my english, i have to finish it by this coming monday, for my malay, i have to finish it by the end of next week.

hmmm, i wonder how the sec three camp was. it must have been absolutely fantastic.

i really wanted to go but because of my stupid accident, i couldn't go.

haii. i have to wait so long until my life can be absolutely everything i wanted it to be.

okay, i am starting to crap and i am irritating myself.

so let's just drop the subject and talk about somethig else.

next year, i'll be doing my N levels and the year after that, i'll be doing my O levels.

two major exams are coming right at me.

better study like a freaking nerd face. hahaha.

oh well, that's about it i guess.

i'll blog another time then,

the teacher is nagging me.

-you should let me love you,

let me be the one who gives you everything you want and need.

good love and protection, make me your selection.

yippie

2005-01-12T17:05:00.000-08:00

okay. it's only the second week of school and it already sucks. like wtf.

the other sec threes are at camp and i'm not cause of my stupid dislocation.

according to my private doctor, she says that my knee has yet to be healed. it's not fully recovered YET.

i have to wait until June to do P.E, to dance and to do physical activities.

this fucking sucks.

i seriously need help but no one is ever there to do so.

i feel as if i'm lost in my own world.

okay, the stupid depression shit is coming back.

what the hell. i have to stay strong... for my mum.

i have to finish my english homework by next monday and i have

already finished reading two books - that is progress

i just have one last book to go and i'm free for the weekend. :) but for now,

i gotta do my own revision and stuffs and it fucking sucks.

cause it's basically BORING.

utter nonsense i tell you.

but the good thing is i got to make new freinds and talk.. ALOT.

oh well, i think i hate this life.

the world is black and heart's are cold

and there's no hope,

that's what we're told and we can't go back,

it won't be the same,

forever changed,

by the things we've seen.

what the..

2004-12-13T15:48:00.000-08:00

too sab: i can't believe you said that i and my family are a joke. and shit, i am not just a girl who wants attention. please la okay, you think what, i'm already a teenager and i don't want attention and in fact i don't NEED attention. in fact i don;t even think you're my cousin because my cousin would not do such a thing. fuck shit man. so if you know my cousin don't anyhow backstab them la okay.. assholes man.

did you see what was on my tag board??? bloody hell, i can;t even believe my own ears when my other cousin, be told me what she saw and now i can't even believe my own eyes!!!!! shit man. arghhhhhhhhhhssssssss. and besides my mum has taught me values and morals that nobody has eve taught me before. and all these freaking bad words; i learnt it from some other people. bloody hell. i seriously can't believe it. and fish man, do you peeps know what does lame mean? please la.. god!!!!!!!! ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! i can't take this shit anymore. i didn;t try suicide for fucking attention man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what is wrong with the freaking world man>????? everyone wants to die isn't it?? so why don;t the world just end now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????

end the world now la please.

heh

2004-12-09T21:05:00.000-08:00

fick it. fuck it. fuck it.

what th hell is wrong with you man??? "..." you're such a freaking coward you don't wanna put your freaking name cause you're scared.. why call me a lamo when you're the one who's lame?? it\s my blog and i can't add an entry ewith anything i wanna freaking say. sure, it\s a free world and everything but if you're saying i'm a lamer.. what about you man?? get a life alright?? cause you're wasting it by being a fucking coward man.. so don't come and fuck around on my tagboard cause it ain;t good suckerrr. that's what you called me isn't it?? well look who's the suckerr now man..

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't stand people like that you know. bloody hell. that person really is a coward man. really is one. anyway all i wanna say is life just fucking sucks.

it fucking does.

hellu

2004-12-06T23:24:00.000-08:00

HHHHEEEEEEEELLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haha. a very big hello to everyone reading my blog. hmmmm.
okays, the singapore idol finals was.... okay.

that's all i can say. i seriously don't know if taufik still rocks my world. haha. but don't worry, i'll still buy his album. i think. heh.
oooohhhhieee.. went to sentosa with jo ann, jessie, jazz, asila, cheryl hee and vivianho. hee. it was FANTABULOUS. you know what i mean right guys?? don't worry vivian, you'll learn it soon. haha. okays.. i really have nothing to say except that i have to face reality.

haha. okays that was freaking lame..
haha. BYE!!

LiL cassieboo*

booyah!

2004-11-26T16:11:00.000-08:00

woohoo!!~

in e club now. went to school. sctually i didn't go cause putri told me what subjects i'll be taking. here they are
- elective history
- art
- biology and chemistry.

those are the subjects that i opted for. and i'll be in 3/8. hmmm. quite happy with the subjects that i have. but somehow i'm abit scared. cause i heard that biology is quite difficult. hmmm. hopefully i'll do well. and i hope that i can improve my art skills by the time i'm secondary 5. need to really study hard and do well. cause i'm not gonna have any cca points for dance.. at all.

cause i may have to quit dance because of my condition. hmmm. guess my dream has already been shattered. i'm soooo sad. i cried a few days ago cause i thought to myself that i have to quit my dancing career and find something else that i can do besides dancing. i seriously need advice and help. my dancing days are OVER. :(

i am sooo depressed. now all i can do to shove my sadness away is listen to good charlotte or the radio. and also to look at taufik. whee~ haaahaaa.

anyways, i am on speedy recovery. i'm already on my feet but i can't run. i can gallop though. (is that supposed to meake me feel better? gee.) oh wells. there's nothing much left to say i guess. just that i gotta cherish what i have before i lose it.

LiL cassieboo*

= people only realise what they have when they lose it. =

booyah!

2004-11-25T23:58:00.000-08:00

haha

2004-11-23T13:13:00.000-08:00

hey hey!!

my life has been great and not great. really don;t feel like blogging la.really sorry okay.
i'll blog later in the week okays??

-lovelovelove-
cassieboo*

oopsie.

2004-11-16T17:50:00.000-08:00

hellu there.
haha. sorry for not updating my blog yes?? have been really busy with myself.

ok first things first, on Saturday, 30th October 2004, it was our school's Saintsational Fair and a ficked up thing happened to me and it nearly ruin my whole life. gosh, i dislocated my fucking knee. haha. great right? this was how it happened. after eating some korean food with rachel mak, sid, me and her went to the water warfare. that was quite fun though it was not what i really expected. anyway, then we went to the haunted house and gosh, was it freaky????? it was damn bloody scary i tell you, the girls from 3e1 did a fantabulous job, can i say it again?? FANTABULOUS!!! there was a "Sadako", a clown, a girl who was hung. and her whole face was bleeding and her eyes were OPEN. also, there was a small girl playing with some doll. oh gosh, it was an unforgettable experience. talking about an unforgettable experience, there's when the fucking tragedy comes in. after the scary frenzy was over, we decided to go to the hub for some chilling and grooving. and that's when it happened, i was dancing with iryani when the bone in my knee twisted. gosh, it was disgusting i tell you it was gross. i tell you it sucked big time.. i was crying like mad when the first aid came in and took over but not for long cause mrs pillay called the ambulance and they came to my rescue..right.. ok anyway back to the story, so i was admitted BUT i was not warded. heh. i really was damn angry at myself cause i was supposed to go out with miranti tjat day and spend the whole day with her but this muthafucking thing had to happen. oh well, so the doctor pushed my bone back in and that was that.

i was feeling rather sleepy with the injection they gave me and stuff. yep. and when my mum was waiting for the medicine, my dad came. heh. i can't be bothered to talk about what happened cause it'll only waste my time. so anyway yeah, back to the story, while i was going through that shit, i wanna thank the people who was there for me especially nadiah, iryani, rachel mak, siti and putri. yep yep. thanks sooo much. seriously no words can describe my gratitude towards you guys thank youuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!

oh yes, and i wanna thank all the peeps who have been checking on me to see if i am recovering and trust me i am. on speedy recovery. starting to walk already and i've been going out. yep yep. i've already got my knee guard and i'm not REALLY walking, but on the way there la. haha. hopefully by december, i can fully walk like a normal person, right now, i walking like a mak cik from some old kampung in malaysia. haha. and then i can go out like i always do. so i will come back aighht. gotta go do some theraphy.

cheerios.
//boo//

YAY!!!!

2004-10-22T03:31:00.000-07:00

boo!!

i just came from sending dil to the bus stop cause she ahd to meet her mum. we did our hair and it's amazing!!! be's doing her hair now and later we're heading down to the hotel to stay over!!!!

yippieeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!! i just love my life right now but i'm going to hate it soon and i know it. ohs well. what's life?? i don't know. i guess it's just something that you got to fill with love, joy, sadness and everything else.

hmm.. oh yeahs, the mcs dancers are reuniting once again to have a performance for the graduation of the Primary 6 students. yep, it's time we got our act together. miss those times that we cried and laughed during all our dance routines!!! see you soon guys!!

here are some shout outs:
to anon*: i may seem the happy cheery girl that i am. but that's not going to happen on the inside and i know it. but even though i'm suffering inside i won;t let it all come out cause it's not supposed to. but thanks fir the advise yeah??

to asila: hey babe!! been missing you like crazy until like ****. ahahas, we must go shopping together aighht?? call me dear!! miss you. *ilu.

to iryani: hey punkster!! thanks for being the girl that you are. you make me smile. *ilu.

to putri: thanks dear for being there for me through all these times od hurt and pain that i'm going through. hope to spend time together. *ilu.

to sid: hey sweetum!!! thanks for sharing all the sad and joyous moments with me. i really love you for that and you know it aighht?? talk to me yeah?? *ilu

to phanida: hey girl!! thanks for being there yeah?? you know i'll be there for you too yeah?? you take care sweetiepie. *ilu

to miranti: i miss you alot!!!!!!!!! hope to spend more time with you in the months to come. thanks for being there like no other. *ilu more than words could say. take care sweetie!!!!!

LiL cassieboo*

HEYHEY

2004-10-20T23:13:00.000-07:00

heys y'all.
i really would like to thank jesmin for that beautiful post for me. thanks so much. never expected someone to actually listen to me. thanks a bunch dear.. hope you a big longg hugggg yes??

whoopie.i got back my papers. i had 58.5/80 for English, 62/100 for Math, 49/80 for DnT, 71.5/100 for Science, 54/80 for History, 73/100 for Geography and 57/100 for Malay.
i'm quite happy with my marks actually but i know that i have to worl much more harder to get high marks just to test if i know how to recall everything with daily revision. yep. ohs well. i thank God for helping me through this time of sadness,pain and anguish. but i am strong. at least, i think i am.

so much for school. later i have dance until 6 in the evening and i have to head down to junction 8 to meet my mum. speaking about my mum, i admire her totally. i just realised that i have been close to her all these years. i admire the strength that she has to overcome all the tears of sadness and anger that she has been pouring. i understand her thouroughly now. and i know that i love her, even though i don't know how to show her that i care. i love her.

hmmm. my big performance with my two best cousins is on this Saturday. i hope that we're ready for it because it's going to be such a big crowd. yep. but i know it's going to be great. it'll be the most fantabulous item on that particular night. alrightie?? believe me, to those people who's going to be there, it'll be the performance you will not be able to forget. i think. ahahas.

hey,guess what. i kind of love my life now. but the only fucked up thing is that i don't where he's gone, don't intend to find out but intend to write a letter to him.
*the person is not my boyfriend alright.i don't have one.he's someone dear to me*
even my friend saw him on the bus carrying so many things. have no idea what to say.

well, gotta scoot out of here now. cheerios.

LiL cassieboo*

heh

2004-10-19T13:32:00.000-07:00

firstly,i want to thank all the people who have tagged my blog except that indescribable person who delibrately ruined my surname and totally ruined a woman's reputation by stating that there is such a bra size as an A1when in real life there isn't. so to that person, F**K OFF.

ans yes i want to thank the people who have been visiting my blog to check out how i'm doing with the shit that i'm going through. thanks for your concern. i love you guys alot yeah?

haii. i can't stand it anymore. they keep putting things in my head till i don't know who to listen to and it makes me not want to listen to anyone at all and makes me feel like shit cause i have to keep everything inside cause it's extremely difficult to talk to people about the feelings of anguish and sadness that i am feeling. i seriously don't have any idea what to do with this pathetic life that i am living. but then again, people tell me that i have too much to live for. but most of the time, in my life, i am not living to do the things that i want. see, my life is so complicating that it hurts and it burns my soul that cannot be rebuilt. and it hurts my soul cause i can't let go. all these walls are caving in, i can't stop my suffering. i need to leave everything behind for awhile. but i can't cause once i go i know that i can't come back. ohs what the hell. i need to stop thinking about myself all the time or else i'm being a bitch.

i sometimes wonder how come people look so happy but inside they suffer so much. for me, i have to be happy cause i cannot depend on other people to make me happy. yep, and i sometimes wonder how come when people say that they have best friends but they are always looking so down. best friends are supposed to keep each other happy in times of sadness and they need to be there for each other in times of need. they're supposed to spend time with each other. i also wonder why life isn't fair. why people hate you. why do people suffer.

LiL cassieboo*

(thanks for visiting)mwaks.

YEAH BABY!!!

2004-10-14T18:39:00.000-07:00

yes,the exams are finally over!!!!!
i'm going to watch ballet under the stars tonight with my mum and nat.
at least i'm going out right??

hmmm..a lot of stuff has been happening man.(some people should know about it :))
yep.a mixture of events.like happy and depressing stuff.

i am so confused.
i don't know who to believe.
hmm..i have nothing to blog about today just that i'm over the moon :)

*finally some happiness has entered my life*

yep,that's all i guess.will blog more later aighht.

LiL cassieboo*

fuckers

2004-10-05T15:21:00.000-07:00

school,school,school.
there's gotta be more to life than just school right.

have been mugging like crazy for the fucking exams man.
gotta do well to get into the course that i want.heh.

some bloody person wrote on mytagboard that someone's breast is flat or something and his/her username is spykerman.
if you're reading this now,please do not ruin my surname.
and if you wanna say that to someone,say it straight to her face alright.don't publish it on my tagboard.

why do people only think about themselves when there are others around them who are suffering more than them.they keep thinking that they are suffering the most but in real life other people are suffering more than you can ever expect it to be.
i have been going through alot but i know that there other people in other countries that do not even have parents to take care of them and are going through prostitution just to get money.
what would you do if your mum's at home,crying all alone on the bathroom floor,cause she's hungry and the only way to feed her is to sleep with a man for a little bit of money and her husband's gone.so for some people,this is just a good time,but for some people,this is what they call life.

so please if you think that you're suffering alot think about other people too as they are suffeing more than you.

hmmm..i'm in school now,suppose to be mugging and i'm leaving here soon to meet phanida at junction 8.yeps.heh.

well,nothin else to say.boo.

+hiphopper fer life+

.LiL cassieboo.

fuck it

2004-10-05T15:10:00.000-07:00

why do they only care about themselves.
they never bother about other people and they don't care if they hurt them.
the slasheyslit dancer is back.

*thought i would forget but i,i remember.*

2004-10-04T15:49:00.001-07:00

fuck it.
i don;t know why the hell i'm living.
do they even care about how i feel??
no,they don't,
all they care about is the themselves and no one else.

fuck it

2004-10-04T15:49:00.000-07:00

i am so freaking stressed.
the EOYs are coming and i'm mugging like crazy plus my parents are divorcing and i can't bring myself to a point that it's all happening and that it's not a dream.
why must i go through all the shit that's happening to me now.
plus someone keepe asking me tha same question over and over again.
i don't even know what i'm suppose to say.

why am i living in this world???
i have no idea and i can't even find the answer out cause no one seems to care about me and what i'm feeling.
they keep thinking about themselves and don't even bother about the people around them.
fuck it.

feeling rather lonely

2004-09-27T13:54:00.000-07:00

sheesh.the exams are coming and i can't blog for awhile okays so bear with me yeahs??
don't get mad at me if i don't update my friggin blog aighht?

i am so looking forward to after the exams.
can go out and laze..but not for long cause then it's back to hectic trainings of dance.heh

RE:Singapore Idol
i hearby state that MUHAMMAD TAUFIK BATISAH is my Singapore Idol because he has everything that a IDOL should have.for example,a good voice,he's got the looks and he has a good wardrobe.however,there are competitors in the competition like LEANDRA,DAVID YEO,OLINDA CHO,JEASSEA K THYIDOR etc.
i also state that i will support MY SINGAPORE IDOL throughout the whole competition.

ahahas.hey,what can i say. if i'm a fan of someone,i am a true fan indeed.ahahas

again,i have been going through the most amount of shit that anyone has ever gone through.heh.

why is it that whenever i like someone,somebody has to steal him away from me??
can anyone answer that question?ahahas.i'm asking it for my friend okays.tag my board if you have any answers.i will appreciate all the advice given.ahahas/i'm like holding a website instead of a blog.what the hell!!!>>>???ahahas

okays,back to the main point of this entry: the exams are coming and i have to get my head banging on them books aighhts??when the exams are over,i promise i'll get back to you as soon as i can alright>>i have to go now.gotta scoot cause i'm at school.

*love yoo*

*try to be someone that you know you're not,it gets harder everyday*

heh

2004-09-15T23:31:00.000-07:00

i'm actually in school now.
heh.
waiting for sid to finish her geog thing.yeah.

school was okay today except something(some of you know the problem)
anyway,we were at the parade ground today getting punished like dogs.*i think*
we were being punished because yesterday,during assembly,the Sec.2s(including me) and Sec.3s were misbehaving.heh.
we just weren't listening,that's all.
but overall,i think we misbehaved. :)
what the hell.
anyway,yeah,mrs khoo made us stand for about twenty minutes.
we were made to stand really sraight.
what the f*ck la.i don't think we'll ever misbehave again.*i'm not really sure*hehe:)

the first lesson was bloody P.E.
Mr Lim was being such a pain cause he was explaining how to hold the bloody racket.
okay,at least we learnt how to hold a racket.
but...he didn't want us to play a proper game.
all of us were like cursing and swearing at him.(you have no idea)
ahahas.and we only had like 20 minutes of tennis.
I WANTED TO PLAY SOCCER NOT TENNIS!!

after P.E,we had english.
went to the library and read.
heh,yeah,that's what we did.

then we had geography.
i pity ms.chan.she's our form teacher so she has to collect all the forms and everything,
so she barely had time to teach us geography.
but we revised the lesson that she taught us during the holidays.
heh.

then was recess.
hehm.
rather not talk about it.heh
but when we had to line up,we were scolded.....AGAIN.
what's the problem with them,i think that they like to scold us that's why.heh
what the hell

then was history.
had to put up with the Wanger for only 15 minutes(yes!)hehe.
she told us what topics were in the exam...while stroking her stomach..and she's not pregnant.heh
she's abit off the hook i think.

then was math.nothing really happened.

then was literature.
it was boring as usual.

then was SCIENCE.
science was pretty interesting but i couldn't understand what mr.chan was trying to explain cause he was rattling on like a train.and i said"err..mr chan,can you speakabit slower please?*laughs*)
the he talked slower but i still couldn't get what he was saying.yep.

and now i'm here.heh.

now about my life's story,
nothing that i can say cause it's always the same thing that keeps on happening.

i need to breakaway...yes?

whee

2004-09-13T01:40:00.000-07:00

i did not go to school today because i got up late,and i got my good friend in to trouble and i'm really sorry.
haii..

everyone is getting angry with me easily nowadays and i so do know why because i'm not meant to live in this world and i just hate my life.if i was meant to live,i wouldn't be getting all the shit that i'm getting.

i don't understand why some people have to get angry with me for no reason.i have no idea.
but i'm sorry anyway.heh.i was looking forward to school today but my fuckd up self woke up late and it's all my fault.i'm a smart little girl ain't i.bloody shit.

i seriously don't understand why i have to be in this world.to got hrough all the shit that i'm going through right now??ohs well.i just don't know what to do with my fucked up life.

i can't wait to migrate and i can wait too.i can't wait to migrate because at least i can forget all the shit that has been happening and i can just breakaway.heh.i can wait because i do not want to leave the people that i love so dearly and the people that i care about and all the things that i have done in Singapore and so on.

but somehow i just need to get out and live my dreams and breakaway.

there are so many things that i don't understand but i still try to understand.

i give it my all.

"Breakaway"
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I just stared out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying not to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)I could breakaway

[Chorus:]I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breez
eSleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away
(I will)And breakaway

[Chorus]

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on,
moving on

Fly away, breakaway
I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

(i guess i gotta breakaway)

2004-09-07T05:05:00.000-07:00

hey there peeps.i am again going through alot of shit so justbear with me for abit aighht?

i don't understand why i have to go through the pain that everyone has been giving me. why do i have to endure the fucked up life when i can just throw it away just like that.the reason that im living is for the people i love and always will love till my dying day.the encouraging words of my godbrother and my darling sister have been picking me upeverytime i fall and everytime i become a weakling.

i'm like a bloody piece of paper that everyone has been stepping on and is still being stepped on and i can't take it anymorethat i just need to end my life right now.

in school and around my loved ones i just pretend that nothing has ever happened but actually something really did happen and it'shurting me over and over and over again and it won't stop.it keeps happenening each timei end school, and when i leave my relative'shouse.the only place that will ever take me in and i can let all my emotions out is on a rooftop or in my room.

my birthday just passed a few days ago andit wouldn't be a nice birthday if not for myfriends and my sisters and loved ones.it all ended when i heard the words ringing in myhead.

i keep telling myself to be strong but i can't.i just can't.

heh

2004-09-07T04:00:00.000-07:00

thanks.

2004-08-23T23:49:00.000-07:00

hey there peeps.

have been going through alot of shit lately.too many problems already.
do i deserve to get all this suffering.when i turned13,i thought that it's a beginning to a new chapter in life but it's all the same.the same all shit has been happening.i have been having so many traumatizing moments that i don't think i can deal with.

I THANK GOD FOR MY DARLING SISTER PUTRI AND MY DEAREST FRIENDS, MY BESTEST BESTEST BESTIE ASILA AND NOT FORGETTING MY ONE AND ONLY GODBROTHER,BRANDON.THANKS FOR HELPING ME THROUGH THE TOUGH TIMES THAT I AM DEALING WITH NOW.NO WORDS CAN DESCRIBE HOW MUCH YOU GUYS MEAN TO ME.

anyway,back to the main points.i have been crying ever since yesterday.i sometimes just look out the window and stare into the sky and ask God"why did you bring me to this cruel world when i am suffering like a slave for someone who is sadistic.but i have realised that i heve no right to question God for the plans he has for me ARE going to be wonderful.the thing is i should question MYSELF.why am i letting these problems make me fall.i have to prove to those people who have hurt me that i am strong and i can pull throught this walk on hot stones with the people i love helping me.but then again i realised that i have fallen too deep into the ground that somehow i can't get up.

when i talked to God yesterday before i got some winks, i suddenly felt that i have a right to move on or keep falling until i can't fall anymore.i have made a decision that i'm going to try to pick myself up and start all over again.

however,i can assure you that i'm not really happy or anything.behind my smiles and laughs.there is a broken child inside me that will never be happy again.

have to leave now but i will blog more from now onwards ok.ahahas

see im happy now.so don't worry for me for i am fine...........ahahas.tag my board aighhts.take care my sweetums.love you guys to the moon and bacckk.:)))

.cassie*boo.

sorry!!

2004-08-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

hey there!! im so sorry i haven't been blogging cause the school computers wouldn't let me log in.
anyway lots happened.let me start with today.

alright firstly i got up at 8 in the morning and i was sooper tired.i was like whining about my fucking thighs.
they were so painful since yesterday can.
the dance training on tuesday was a killer.ahahas.
anyway back to the main point.i then bathed and headed to junction 8 to get a ice milo and went home to get something/later went to meet caryn and siti to wait for Phanida at her void deck to head for Europa for ,lunch.and trust me the food is delicious.i ate fish and chips,siti ate chicken chop and baby back ribs or something like that and both caryn and phanida ate black pepper steaks.the food was great.

i just saw something that i didn't expect to see and i don't think that i will ever love again..i can't stand it no more.it just hurts deep inside and that person just thinks that you're invisible and just playing you and isn't for real.what the fark can.doesn't he care about other people's feelings.it just hurts man.it just hurts.what's wrong with me.why am i so depressed over some person.because i love him too much that's why..

that part was emotional i guess but it just really implies how i feel right now.i don't even know if he's telling the truth or is he just joking.haii..

let's just go back to the main stuff that happened in school and stuff alrightt..

yesterday,caryn,phanida.siti and i planned to go to Escape Theme Park but when we arrived there.......
IT WAS CLOSED!!ahahas.so we decided to go bowling and i sucked big time.ahahas.i can even run towards the alley properly.ahahas.but it was fun overall.my ball was pink.yeah.kind of like pink now.ahahas.then after that we went to burger king for dinner.it was ok.i was damn bloody full.ahahas.then went to aunty joyce's house.was soooooo tired that i fell asleep with my spectacles on.and brandon had to take them off for me(thanks bran)ahahas.see i get tired too.it's not like i don't sleep.//

those were the happy moments and i don't wish to blog about the fucked up moments that are happening in my fucked up life as i am too depressed to share them.

I'M SORRY I CAN'T BE PERFECT.

My Happy Ending - Avril Lavigne
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hangin'
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
You were everything,
everything that I wanted
We were meant to be,
supposed to be,
but we lost it
And all of our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
So much for my happy ending

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything
everything that I wanted
We were meant to be,
supposed to be,
but we lost it
And all of our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
So much for my happy ending

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

You were everything,
everything that I wanted
We were meant to be,
supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
So much for my happy ending

I LOVE SOMEONE BUT THAT SOMEONE DOES NOT LOVE ME.

2004-08-12T05:44:00.000-07:00

hello people (: cas isnt able to blog lately as she forgot her username (: wonderful. so its PUTRI here to blog for her. (:

AND STOP PESTERING HER TO BLOG LA.

LOVE YOU DARLINNG! (:

2004-07-27T23:50:00.000-07:00

i am so fuckd.

my life is so fuckd up.

EVERYTHING is so fuckd up.

hahhaaa..i am crapping but actually all of that shit is true..

why does life have so many problems..

people say that it's to prove that we're strong but i don't think so

cause everytime i try to pick myself up i fall..

ok you people may be thinking that i am emotional but what's a blog for right.. hahaha

i am so glad that i'll be bringing my handphone tomorrow and that my group is finishing our project..

ALRIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh well..my life sometimes is so fun and yet it's fuckd up..

damn confusing right/..

hahaha ok i shall not give you peeps the crap anymore alright.

today i'll be going to aunty joyce's house..yeah!! more peace..

then on thursday after dance im going to aunty geralda's house..rrocckk onnnn!!!!

ohs well..gonna go for dance now.. toodles..

//boos//

+cassedy+

so soorryy,.

2004-07-25T01:01:00.000-07:00

hey there people..
sorry for not blogging for the past few weeks??..
have been rather busy with school and stuff..
having alot of problems also..
have to solve alot of it. before doing other stuff..
haha..i failed my malay and i just passed my math..
had 50/100 for it..vhat nonsense right??
anyway.. my best subject is science.. had 72.5/100 for it..

lots have been happening for the past few days..
had a fight with my so called "best friend"
i don't even think we're best friends anymore..
i mean she should have told me and my other best friend that she couldn't take the shit that we were giving her for 2 years..
i don't evne know what shit she is talking about..
what the fuck right..

i can't stand it man..
whatever la

just now had a fun fair at church
was kind of fun..
but i had to do some bloody duty which was fucking boring if not for my friends..
they all damn funny de..hahaha
there was a dunking machine and my friends all got dunked..not all la..
only certain people..
Father brian wanted to get dunked for 1000 freaking dollars..
what only right..
as if anyone's going to pay that amount for a bloody dunking shit..
hahaha..

anyway..
me,Phanida,Caryn and Siti plan to go out on a Saturday to celebrate caryn's,phanida's and my birthday..
so cool righhtt..
ahhhahaaha.. im very lame i know..
it's going to be so fun and i just know it..

im so going to be broke this august..
so much birthdays
so many presents to buy..
so shit man..
but you know..
i love the people in my life so money doesn't matter right..

hahahaha

well i guess that's all then..
more to come in the next few days..
bubbye..

+cassedy+

2004-07-15T00:30:00.000-07:00

i can't believe what you did to me
down on my knees and i need to break free.
all these years
you violated me.

what did i do wrong.
you should have told me when you were already suffering.
why didn't you tell us how you felt.
you should have and know that we would understand.
for 2 years you have kept those feelings inside
when you should have told us this before

and we do not think that you're blur
and we do not take you for granted
why do you think of us like that
i do not understand.

if you wan to think about us that way
then it's fine.
just don't regret whwn im not in this world anymore
cause im going to leave it soon
take care of yourself and knoe that i ALWAYS care for you.

that part was mainly for one person.
anyway had great days and bad days.
will blog about it some other time cause im doing my project now..

am feeling so FUCKED up right now..

PLEASE TAKE ME AWAY.

freakilique!!

2004-07-08T03:11:00.000-07:00

boo ya!!sorry for not updating my blog..had exams la..haiyo..tomorrow is the last day of exams..alright..was planning to go out with putri but she finishes her exams on a later date so can't go out except on the last day of HER exams.

anyway went to watch SPIDERMAN 2 on sunday and then on monday again..hahaha..on sunday went with my darling church friends and then on monday went with my mum and belinda.YES. it was so nice that i don't mind watching again and again.. was fun on sunday went to watch at Plaza Singapura..i went there again on monday..hahahha..wierd right..anyway..i got hit by a popcorn bucket by my dear friend Bong aka Katik..hahahha..i was laughing hard man..it was painful though.. i found out alot of things that i didn't really know..serious huh..hahahahha..on monday..before the show..my mum,be and me went to swensens to have dessert..i had a lime freeze and celebrity brownie..i don;t know why i was so sad that day so i had to have something sweet.,hahahahha..oooh..i was so sad but i don't even know why..

i think i flunk all my exams..all of them except science and malay were difficult..but some of my friends think it's easy.. i think im gonna fail all la.. haii..well what can i say..what's done is done..

outt..

=cassedy=

I LOVE SOMEONE BUT THAT SOMEONE DOESN'T LOVES ME.

sorry..hahaha..it's piggy

2004-07-01T19:38:00.000-07:00

oh man..
sorry i haven't been blogging for days..was quite busy and didn't have time to blog.anyway yesterday i went to thomson plaza with siti,phanida and caryn..i didn't wait for Putri cause she couldn't stay back to tutor me cause she had tution.so we went there and ate KFC but phanida ate at jai thai as her mother was there and asked her to eat there but after that she came to KFC and ate her cheese fries without spring onions..hahaha..it was fun.i decided to do part of my history homework there while siti,caryn and phanida were busy taking pictures and doing stuff la..i was the nerd of the day.hahahaha..but im not ok..i go out and shop alot ..RIGHT..of coursse im a nerd now la cause the exams are coming.. 3 days more only.. so i won't be blogging until the exams are over k..see ya sweetiepies..mwaks..

+casssedy+

2004-06-29T03:17:00.000-07:00

HELLO. putri here! (: im editing this whole blog, doing EVERYTHING for my sweetsista cassie baby. hope you like the nice layout okay dear! if not i'll whack you upside down! (:

BYE!